Sue kar mere man ko, punned Aamir Khan to Alice Patten in Rang De Basanti.
But Sue is not a giggle in Bollywood. You can get into legal trouble for anything from sneezing in a temple to supporting the homeless.
All of us are born Indians. But apparently some of us are more Indian than others. We've a whole new breed of extra-sensitive Indians who have turned celeb- harassment into a cause cause- celebrity.
You never know where and when you'll be hit by the next stinging salvo accusing you of anything from corrupting the youth to poaching a very rare species of animal in the back of the beyond. If you're lucky it would be in a city of your choice. Or else you'll have to fly down to Patna to attend court hearings.
Producer Bunty Walia tells me a horrific tale of a duplicitous distributor from Bihar who sued him for false claims in Ek Ajnabee. According to this devious distributor, Bunty thanked Suniel Shetty in the credits when there was no Suniel in the film and Bunty brought out a movie soundtrack when there were hardly any songs in Ek Ajnabee.
Now Bunty has filed a criminal charge against the distributor. "The guy did this only because he didn't want to pay up the money he owed me for the prints. I'm ready to spend 50 lakhs for that 5 lakhs he owes me. Such people deserve to be taught a lesson."
When J.P. Dutta was told he had disrespected the Indian flag in his film LOC, he was too busy to even splutter in indignance. Later it came to light that the people behind the armchair andolan actually go around doing what can at best be called flag faulting.
Anywhere they see, or rather they THINK they see the flag being disrespected they rush off a legal notice.
I better rush forward before I'm sent one of those things too… Shilpa Shetty and Reema Sen didn't know what hit them when they were accused of vulgar conduct for showing their—shudder shudder!—naval on a magazine cover. But the one who really had to run for cover was poor Khushboo when she apparently endorsed pre-marital sex.
At least Shilpa and Reema weren't caught sleeping with the anaemic. 90 percent of the holier-than-thou moralists people who have nothing better to do than to harass stars.
But it did cause some moments of concern for some, sometimes in hilarious ways. Poor Mani Shankar who needed Raima Sen for his espionage drama Mukhbir was concerned.
"Er….is Raima in trouble? Do you think she will be able to make it to Hyderabad on time?" Mani asked anxiously.
You can't blame him if the director doesn't know the difference between Reema Sen. Raima Sen, Rimi Sen she has wisely dropped her surname and Riya Sen.
Sometimes you suspect even the moral brigade doesn't know how to tell one apart from another. The idea isn't to uphold the country's morals by protesting against Reema's naval but to simply get a star into trouble.
"I can't be famous. But I can finger the famous," seems to be the rule of the day. So we have this former notorious business manager of this lovely leading lady on the upswing don't want to name him because he loves to be in the news and besides he might sue me who keeps dashing off indignant threats for legal action to anyone who comes in the way of his obsession with the pretty actress.
It's like those 'fans' with fangs who shake hands with their favourite stars with blades on their palm, and feel great about injuring this one or that one.
Nowadays you never know how to stay out of trouble if you're a celebrity. You could be sitting in a posh restaurant enjoying your smoked salmon and you could be accused of smoking in public.
When Mani Shankar shot a sequence in a religious congregation on the streets of Hyderabad he had achieved a breakthrough. "We took our leading man Sammir Dattani right in the middle of the frenzied congregation and shot him with secret cameras. Anything could have happened if the genuine processionists had got to know there was an actor in the their midst. To us it was not a crime. But to those around it could've been occasion to fleece, thrash and condemn my film. I chose to keep quiet."
The laws are just not on your side. That's why filmmakers are becoming extremely cautious. Both Jism and Kya Kehna are in trouble. They can't show protected sex because it's immoral. They can't show unprotected sex because it causes pregnancy. And they can't show people smoking either. Hence the long cigarette-and-lighter gag in Abbas-Mustan's 36 Chinatown culminated in a statutory warning at the end.
Yes, cigarette smoking is injurious to health. But an unguarded unrestrained and arrogant moral watchdogs in a creative society is even more injurious to the nation's health.
Courtesy: IndiaFM.com